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Ratings, disclaimer, etc with Chapter 1
Previously: Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

The Powers That Be sat alone in the courtroom.

"This shouldn't take too long," Crowley said.

"No?" Eve asked.

"Isn't each one's fate agreed on?"

"Well, let's do this properly anyways," Chuck said. "Starting with Illyria."

"Oblivion," Crowley stated.

"I don't think that's fair," challenged Eve.

"Why?" Crowley scoffed, "Because she's so pure of heart and good-intentioned?"

"She got results. And she's one of the greatest of the Old Ones."

"She's a menace!"

"Purgatory could contain her," Eve reasoned. "It was built for the Leviathan, after all."

"And it's been so effective lately," Crowley quipped.

Eve gawked at his nerve. "No thanks to you! Anyways, I think I can give her a reason to stay."

"No," Crowley said definitively.

Eve turned to Chuck. "You don't want Fred to be destroyed. I could give her an afterlife in harmony with Illyria."

Crowley cut in. "He's not seriously going to consider that."

"I'm considering it," Chuck said.

"You're not."

"And I'm sorry, it's just..." he looked apologetically at Eve. "It's just too dangerous."

"This has nothing to do with justice," Eve sneered. "Both of you. You're just afraid."

"Gee, do y'think?" Crowley said.

"There is the safety of the world to consider," Chuck pointed out. "And I'm sorry, it's not going to happen. Moving on."

"Angel's hell-bound," Crowley said brusquley. "Next!"

"Now just hold on," Chuck intervened. "Look, Eve, if you want him punished, I can see to it."

"No," Crowley interrupted. "I won your favourite marble fair and square, and I'm taking it home with me."

"How is it fair?" Chuck asked indignantly. "You didn't make a deal for a soul. You didn't forsee any of this! It's just petty revenge!"

"You're bitter, I understand," Crowley said with mock-sympathy. "The King of Hell won out over the best and brightest of heaven. It must be quite a blow."

Chuck glared at Crowley. "He'll make you sorry."

"I doubt it," Crowley answered cooly. "But I have to say that this is really interesting, seeing the authoritative father getting all soft behind the scenes." Chuck rolled his eyes. "You're disappointed, but you still care."

"Eve, you know I'm right."

"Strangely, I think Crowley can handle one broken little angel."

"He's stronger than you think."

"Oh, here's the proud daddy."

"Shut up, Crowley!" Chuck turned back to Eve. "Look, let's say we sort something out with Illyria-"

An expression of panic flashed across Crowley's face as looked from Chuck to Eve. But Eve didn't listen to what Chuck had to say.

"I also think that the one who broke open Purgatory and let the Leviathan loose is an even greater threat than one of the creatures it was practically built to contain! No, Chuck. Your angel deserves to be punished by someone who means it."

Crowley nodded, relieved. "Well, I'm glad we avoided that little bout of insanity. Moving right along... the vengeance demon."

"Actually, I think it's pretty clear where she should go."

"Yeah, I guess so. Eve?"

She shrugged and nodded in assent.

"Then we're unanimous?"

It was a lot easier for Anya to try to forget about Hell with Castiel's company than it would have been alone. He was good company and nice to look at. It was easier to pretend that her life had been more simple and full of joy than it actually was, so that she didn't feel the weight of regret as well as that of impending doom. But even with Cas there to talk to, even with the mantra we won running constantly in her mind, even with the haze of drunkeness forming a protective barrier between right now and everything else, Anya wasn't entirely able to keep dark thoughts from surfacing.

"I think I'm going to Hell," Anya confessed out of the blue.

Cas choked on his whiskey and coughed. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I know we're trying not to think about this stuff-"

"It's Illyria's fault," Cas said with certainty.

Illyria stared at him, equal parts puzzled and offended. "How is it my fault what she thinks?"

"'Your end draws inexorably nearer'?" Cas quoted accusingly.

"No," Anya cut in before they started fighting again. "The thought just keeps coming back no matter how much I push it down, niggling at me, and I keep thinking I should just say it to get it out there and be done with it, and now I've said it, and I'm sorry, because we were laughing and now I've ruined it."

That wasn't entirely true. Anya was sorry for disrupting their fantasy, but it also made her feel a little better to voice her worries. She rested her cheek on the table, and Castiel looked at her with sympathy.

"Why do you think you're going to Hell?"

Anya sighed, and related the part of her trial that she had left out before, because she was afraid of what it meant. "Crowley said I was one of his, and made this I-told-you-so remark to Eve, like that decided things between the two of them. And only two of them need to agree, right?"

"Oh..." Anya hoped that Cas would say something to contradict her, but he didn't. Illyria didn't make any attempt to comfort her either.

"I just keep wondering what it'll be like there."

To Anya's surprise, Cas had an answer. "Hell is waiting in line."

She sat up, suspecting that Cas was pulling her leg. "Really?"

"I've visited." He said in all seriousness, "You wait in line for eternity."

"Were I to rule Hell-"

"Illyria, we already know."

Illyria huffed and glared at Castiel.

Anya was absorbing this news. "Well... that's not so bad, I guess." She gave Cas a small, melancholie smile. "I'll let you bud in front of me."

He shook his head, staring thoughtfully at the ground. "My hell will be very different. Crowley has an axe to grind with me. Literally." He took another swig from the bottle and then looked to Illyria. "I've decided to follow your advice."

"Have you?" she asked with interest.

Cas nodded decisively. Anya wondered what he was talking about.

He elaborated. "I will let them make me into the most cruel, vicious, murderous demon imaginable. Then I will sweep through Hell, and kill... everything."

Castiel's gaze became distant, as though imagining what would happen. Then he noticed Anya staring at him with concern.

"I'll find you first," he assured her. "And if you're not there, when I'm done with Hell, I'll go to Purgatory, and find you, and kill everything else. And then we'll go to Heaven together, and break down the gates."

"And?" Anya was afraid of what would come next. Castiel smiled, and it sent shivers through her.

"And you can be with your friends," he said softly. "And I'll find..." His gaze became unfocused again. "I'll find somewhere to sit, and be happy."

Illyria narrowed her eyes incredulously at Castiel. "That is hardly what I suggested you do in Hell. You failed to grasp the essence of my advice."

Cas ignored her. He slid the whiskey bottle across the table from one hand to the other, watching it's journey with wistful little smile.

Anya looked from the god-king to the angel. Illyria was, of course, ever a ray of anti-sunshine. It was sweet of Cas to promise to find her in Hell, and that little smile of his was rather adorable. But he was also being kind of morbid and creepy. Anya imagined what she looked like to them, slumped in her chair, face contorted in worry over thoughts of Hell.

"My god! We've become sad, maudlin drunks!"

This was exactly the opposite of how Anya wanted to spend her remaining time. They needed distraction. She glanced around the room, and had an idea.

"That's a motel TV, right? Let's watch some porn."

Five minutes later they were gathered around the TV set. Anya was lying on the bed, propping her chin up on her hands; Castiel sat on the edge of the bed next to her, leaning forward intently; and Illyria sat on the ground.

"Humans are grotesque," Illyria commented.

"You just say that because you don't like humans," Castiel replied dismissively. "Copulation is a beautiful..." He squinted at what was going on on screen. "... act."

Anya thought watching porn would be ridiculous and entertaining, but both Cas and Illyria seemed to take it very seriously. She finished another whiskey and set the empty glass on the floor, feeling some of her happy buzz returning. Cas was watching TV with such intense concentration that you'd think he was going to be tested later. It was kind of cute, which, Anya thought a little incoherently, it was easy for the angel to be, since he was, really, kind of cute.

Castiel's brow furrowed in confusion. "I don't understand why a nurse would be allowed to do something to a patient that's not part of medical proceedure."

"Once again, love is interfering in the work of a healer," Illyria observed with a wise tone. "Humans should require them to be celibate."

Anya sniggered. "This is a fantasy, Cas. Not an instruction manual."

Cas glanced at Anya. "Oh." He straightened his posture and assumed a more non-chalant air. "I knew that."

"It's just not realistic," Anya explained, gesturing towards the screen. "I mean, look at that! No one can do that without a thirteen-inch penis. And, don't get me wrong, I like penis as much as anyone else. But thirteen inches? That's just too much penis!"

Anya missed sex a lot.

"It is kind of hot, though."

"Cas, I think you and me should have sex."

Castiel tore his attention away from the TV to look at Anya.

"I mean, we're going to Hell, you're an attactrive virgin, I'm an attractive not-virgin... we might as well have fun!"

Castiel considered Anya's proposition with utmost seriousness. He liked her, and wanted to enjoy the time they had together as much as possible under the circumstances. From their conversations, he knew exactly what significance sex had for her, that it wouldn't mean anything more or less than he thought it did. The alcohol made feel confident, and also curious. And, what Anya was saying made sense.

She continued, "When you think about it, it's the only reasonable thing to do!"

Cas nodded. "I agree."

He got to his feet and stood by the side of the bed.

"How should we start?"

Illyria changed the TV channel, since she had no interest in observing human fornication, and it seemed that Anya and Castiel had grown tired of watching. Currently, they were taking their clothes off and making loud noises on the bed behind her. Illyria wished they wouldn't, since she wanted to use the "magic fingers" again. She found a program discussing the benefits of certain kitchen appliances.

At the edge of her vision, a figure in white caught Illyria's eye. She got up and followed it behind one of the store's shelves.

It was Eve.

Illyria was suspicious. It had always been Death who arrived to take them from the holding cell to The Powers That Be. Now, Eve was there alone, and hiding from the others.

"You've not come to deliver your verdict," Illyria said, and it wasn't a question.


"Then why are you here?"

"Because I disagree with the verdict." Eve approached Illyria and whispered in her ear, "I want to take you to my kingdom."

This did little to abate Illyria's wariness. The fact that Eve dared come so close to her set Illyria on edge. Of course it made sense that Eve would want Illyria as a god, but there were other things that didn't.

"Does your court not have rules that bind you?"

"It has rules," Eve smirked, "how binding they are is up for interpretation. It is a risk for me to come to you like this."

"And you are not afraid of me like the others?" This was a double-edged question. Illyria was curious why Eve was different from the rest of the tribunal. But a proper subject must also be afraid.


"You should be."

"If you accept my offer, I have conditions."

Illyria narrowed her eyes and studied the Mother. It was bold of her to presume to place conditions on Illyria. But she had the air of a ruler about her, the mannerism of great age and power. Her boldness was more intriguing than an affront.

"No war." Eve stipulated, "No conquest. Nothing to call the wrath of Heaven or Hell on our heads."

She was asking for Illyria to exist without those things which made her great.

"Then why do you want me?"

A smile spread across Eve's face and light danced in her eyes. "Why do I want the great Illyria, Shaper of Things?" She spoke excitedly, but quietly, so as not to draw the attention of the angel or demon, however unlikely they were to be distracted. "Together we can build Purgatory into something worth ruling. You would be a different kind of god. No conflict, just creation."

"I would be worshipped?"

"Not by me." Eve coyly raised an eyebrow. "Not in the way you're thinking anyways."

Eve wanted Illyria to join her as an equal. This was different, but not as offensive as Illyria might have once thought it. She had felt some level of comraderie with Wesley and his friends, and some kinship with Castiel and Anya. It was not unpleasant, and something she'd like more of. But they had let her down, by dying, or otherwise demonstrating their weakness. Illyia sensed that Eve would not disappoint her.

She would accept. She wanted to accept. But something was holding her back, a sense of panic rising in her. "No," Illyria said, against her will, the fear of going to this new dimension becoming uncontrollable.

Eve back away, regarding her warily.

"NO!" Fred cried, as commercials blared from the TV.

Fred started, eyeing her surroundings with confusion, before focusing on Eve.

"I'm not going back anywhere like that."

Eve gave her a comforting smile that was entirely ineffective.

"You have nothing to fear. You're not going as a slave, but as a queen."

"Please just let me go," Fred pleaded.

"Fred, what do you think Purgatory is?" Eve asked, her voice low and soothing.

Fred didn't answer, maintaining her fearful and distrustful attitude.

Eve explained, "From its creation, Purgatory has been a prison made of stone and ash, built to house what you call monsters when they die. Werewolves, vampires, things with horns and claws. You've known a few of my children. But it was never meant to be a place of punishment. I want to create something more for them."

Fred remained sceptical. "With Illyria?"

"Yes," Eve nodded. "But you're a creator too, are you not? An inventor? We could find a role for you as well."

Illyria returned.

"You've calmed the human enough for me to control her," she said, trying to conceal her relief.

"I meant what I told her," Eve said firmly.

Illyria knew she would never be rid of the human soul. But perhaps there was a way to deal with it other than this inner struggle. "I understand."

"Then what do you have to say to my offer?"

A new existence. A new kind of god from what she once was. "It is acceptable."

Eve held out her hand.

"Then come."

It was awkward at first. It wasn't that Castiel didn't know what to do, he had witnessed sex countless times, but there were too many things he could do. Anya knew what she wanted, though, and that made things easier. She kissed him and he kissed her back, and it was pleasant, and she said he was good at it, which made Castiel happy.

Then they took their clothes off and things became both easier still and more difficult. Easier because there was a building momentum and trajectory that Cas could go with, and more difficult because though Castiel was familiar with the mechanics of sexual intercourse, he was not prepared for how it felt.

At first, Castiel would freeze every time Anya did something that sent a jolt of pleasure rocketing through his body, so unfamiliar and unexpected that he was unsure what it meant or how he should react. And Anya kept doing whatever it was - sucking on his neck, or raking her nails over his thighs or stoking him - until he was back to his senses and eager to make her feel what he did. Later, when he slid inside her, the sensation hit him like a wave, and Castiel felt he inhabited his body more fully than he ever had before - ironically, it being only the metaphysical figment of a body. They started moving together, and the pleasure built. And it kept building. It didn't stop. Anya shouted his name and came around him, her fingers digging into his hips, pulling him deeper, and it was too much, it had to stop. Castiel locked up.

"Don't stop now, Cas," Anya whispered to him.

"I can't," he said between gulps of air. "I can't. I'm sorry, I..."

Anya opened her eyes, to see Castiel trembling and gritting his teeth. "Cas, what's wrong?"

He met her gaze, wide-eyed. "I... I'm breaking apart," he said, a note of panic in his voice. "It's too much, I'm sorry, I can't..."

Anya's look of concern was replaced by a soft smile. She slid her legs off Castiel's shoulders and slipped off of him, leaving him with a painful sense of need. She kissed him softly, told him, "It's okay."

Anya manouvered them so that Cas was on his back, and she was lying on top of him. Then Castiel was insider her again, and Anya was moving very slowly, kissing his neck, and whispering in his ear, "Relax. Let go." And he trusted her, so he did.

Anya realized that the TV was still on, but no one was watching it. She groped for the remote control on the floor, found it, and turned the TV off.

Anya felt good. She was dead, but she felt good. Awash in alcohol and endorphins, she could nearly forget everything else, and enjoy the moment. We won, she reminded herself, just once, for good measure.

She looked over at Cas, who was still catching his breath, a dazed expression on his face.

"Are you feeling amazing right now too?" Anya asked. Not that she had to.

Cas nodded. "It was... more intense than I had anticipated."

Anya grinned. "Yeah, I got that."

"It must be... so wonderful to share with the person you love." Cas had that far-away look again.

"It can be," Anya said, trying desperately not to think of Xander, not wanting to lose the after-sex high. We won, she told herself. But it wasn't enough, because there wasn't any "we" any more. She was dead, and would probably never see her friends again, because she was probably going to Hell. Dammit, I was doing so well.

"There's someone that you love?" Anya asked, hoping that Cas would talk about himself so that she'd have something else to think about. But he just quirked a sad smile and nodded. She pushed a little harder. "Sam or Dean?"

"What?" Cas blinked at her, taken aback.

"It's one of the brothers you were talking about, right?" She thought back through the details of the story. "I'm guessing Dean."

Cas blushed and nodded, avoiding her gaze.

"Sorry I wasn't him," Anya said.

Cas turned to her intently. "No... You're my friend, and I'm glad we had this before..." he let the sentence trail off, and instead of finishing it, just looked Anya in the eye with almost too much sincerity. "Thank you."

At least I'll have one friend in Hell.

"Thank you too." Anya rested her head on the pillow. For motel-quality , it felt very welcoming. "You're a good guy, Cas."

"You haven't known me that long."

"No, you are." Anya's eyelids felt heavy. She closed them, just for a second. "And if I can, I'll break out of line, and I'll find you."

"And then what?"

Anya was asleep.

Castiel got dressed while deciding whether he should wake Anya or not. She wouldn't want to spend what little time they had left sleeping. But maybe he'd let her rest for a few minutes, at least.

He had a friend. While alive, Castiel had lost every friend he had, whether to the Apocalypse, the war, or his own foolishness. But now, in death, at the gates of Hell, he'd made a friend. Knowing that, he felt he could meet his fate with at least a small amount of peace.

There was a flicker of movement in the store's loft. Someone was there. Castiel assumed it was Illyria, but as he looked around the holding cell, he realized that all the features of her temple had vanished.

He climbed up the stairs to investigate, and came face-to-face with his father.

"Hi," God said.

Castiel nodded in greeting and cast his eyes down.

"I wanted to see you before the decision."

He nodded again.

"You can look at me, it's okay."

Castiel raised his face to his Father and all the shame and regret came flooding back to him, until he felt like he couldn't contain it. "I'm sorry."

"I know," God said kindly, but Cas wanted to keep apologizing anyways. He kept himself silent. "Look, I just wanted to make sure that you're clear: you're not here because you fell in love. Love changed you, it didn't break you."

Castiel forced himself to look his Father in the eye, it was important that he knew he understood. "It was my choices. And I'm so sorry-"

"Hey, I forgive you."

Castiel blinked, not believing his ears. "You do?"

"I know why you did it," God explained. "I mean, you were wrong, but you had a lot to deal with. Everyone makes mistakes. Hell, I had the flood!"

If it wasn't for the fact that angels don't sleep, Castiel would have thought he was dreaming.

God continued, "And you understand why you were wrong. So yeah, I forgive you."

It was true. His father forgave him. Castiel took a deep, shuddering breath, and pressed his eyes shut against the building tears. He had his Father's forgiveness. It was all he could have hoped for.

God was watching Cas carefully. "You realize that how I feel doesn't matter as long as Crowley and Eve agree, right?"

"I know," but Castiel smiled anyways.

"And neither of them were willing to change their decision."

"You tried?" Castiel asked, disbelieving that after all he had done, he was still worth the effort. He grabbed the railing around the loft, and slowly sat on the floor.

"Yeah," God shrugged and sat next to Cas. "I mean, you rebelled against Heaven, you fell in love with a human," he said, smiling proudly at Castiel. "You did the right thing when it really mattered. Don't tell the other angels, but you kinda became my favourite." His smile faded. "That's why I was so disappointed with how you fought your war."

Knowing that his Father cared made the knowledge that he disappointed him so much worse. "I'm sorry I let you down."

"Hey, remember when I said I forgive you?"

Cas nodded and smiled sheepishly. His Father forgave him, and loved him, and he had a friend. These were things that Castiel could hold on to in Hell to remember who he was. He rose to his feet, ready to accept his fate.

"Thank you for coming to see me. This means a lot."

God stood up, looking at Castiel somewhat askance. "Yeah, well, as I was saying, Crowley and Eve aren't budging, so um..." he looked over his shoulder, as if making sure no one was there. "I'm gonna resurrect you now."

"What...?" This has to be a dream.

"Resurrect you. Bring you back to life? You should be used to this by now, Cas."

"But I... I don't deserve..." Castiel pushed away thoughts of seeing Dean, fixing Sam, making everything right. He couldn't let himself believe it.

"What were we just talking about?" God said impatiently. "Besides, Crowley's being a bitch about this whole thing, and I'm not letting him get away with it."

Castiel had to smile at that.

"I'm giving you another chance, but once you're back, it's all up to you."

"I understand."

"Are you ready?"

Castiel nodded. He wondered if he'd be able to find a way to kill the Leviathans on his own, and then surprise the Winchesters when he revealed it was he... but no, that was his pride. Better to work together.

"Try not to blow up this time."

Cas smiled. He would go to the Winchesters, fix Sam, and they'd all work together. He would earn back their friendship...

God raised his hand to Castiel's forehead.

"No, wait!"

God froze.

"Anya... I..."

"She'll be fine, Cas."


"I promise."

Castiel trusted him.

"Would you tell her that I wish her well?"

God raised his hand again. "I will."

Anya was lying on something that was awfully hard for a bed. She opened her eyes and realized that it wasn't a bed at all, but the study table from the Magic Box.

And Death was standing in the middle of the room.

"Gah!" Anya scrambled to cover herself with her hands, before noticing that she was fully clothed. She took a deep breath and tried to act casual. "Hi."

Death arched an eyebrow.

Anya looked around. There was no stonework, no tacky furnishings. It was just the Magic Box.

"Where's Cas and Illyria?" she asked.

"They've already been dealt with," Death answered with great disinterest.

"Oh," Anya was sorry she hadn't been able to say goodbye to Cas. She would try to find him again, but she wasn't counting on that happening any time soon. Anya found she even missed Illyria a little. "What happened to them?" She was almost afraid to ask, but she wanted to know for sure.

"Let's just say," Death sauntered towards Anya, "with the chuckle-heads known as The Powers That Be running the show, keeping the eternal balance is a full-time job."

He touched Anya on the shoulder, and she was back in the small claims court.

The bench was empty. She looked around the room, and saw Chuck lounging in the gallery.

"Hey," he waved casually.

"What's going on? Where is everyone?" Anya asked, walking down the aisle towards him.

"Well, let's see, um, Eve ran back to Purgatory with Illyria, and Crowley is pouting in Hell because I resurrected Castiel. So it's just you and me."

Anya breathed a sigh of relief and dropped into the seat next to Chuck. "Thank god..."

"You're welcome. For what?"

Anya blinked. She had to remember whom she was talking to here. "Cas. I'm glad you did that for him."

"Yeah, me too," Chuck said with a self-satisfied grin. "By the way, he wishes you well."

Anya smiled, thinking of her friend flying around, hanging out with Sam and Dean again. "Right back at him." Her smile faded. "Hey, aren't you worried about Illyria?"

"Eh, a little," Chuck admitted. "Honestly, I was that close," he held his forefinger and thumb very close together, "to letting it happen anyways, so..." he shrugged "We'll see what happens."

Anya nodded. It seemed like everybody was getting a happier-than-expected ending. Which actually didn't make her less afraid to ask. But she had to.

"So, what happens to me now?"

"You have to ask?" Chuck looked at her incredulously. Anya held her breath. "You're going through the Pearly Gates."

Anya exhaled and slumpped back in her seat, and started laughing.

Chuck was smiling too. "I mean, you offering your life for those frat-douches - that was penance right there. And fighting in the Battle of Sunnydale was icing on the cake."

Anya gawked at him. "You said I 'killed a few Bringers'!"

Chuck furrowed his brow in thought. "Yeah, I did, didn't I? Sorry about that," he said a bit too lightly to sound genuine.

Anya couldn't believe it. God had been trolling her. "You psyched me out, you jerk!" she cried, and whacked him lightly on the arm.

Chuck's expression became very serious. Anya quailed.

"I still get in to Heaven if I call God a jerk... right?"

A smile crept back up across Chuck's face. "Only when it's true."

Anya had never felt so relieved. It felt like she was slowly being filled with pure light, lifting her up. The courtroom seemed to be getting brighter too.

"So, where I'm going, I'll see my friends?


"Hey, if I'm in Heaven and Cas is an angel, he can visit, right?"

"I'll tell him you're expecting him."


Smiling, Anya went with God.


Feb. 13th, 2012 11:57 pm (UTC)
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Disney's The Little Mermaid
Harry Potter
BtVS icons
Ats icons

Specially themed icons
Kitten icons
No One Mourns the Wicked
Faith wakes up from her coma to find no one missed her
I'm Not That Girl
Elphaba!Willow, Fiyero!Xander, Galinda!Buffy
I'm callous about my favourite ship
Looking Back...
The Scoobies, how far they have come.

still_grrr entries

001 New Season
three Inara icons, two of which are prize-winning!
002 Before
First impressions of characters from the Buffyverse
003 Minor Characters
Mr. Universe, Merl
003 Minor Characters
004 Minor Characters
Skip, Rack, and Badger
007 Minor Characters

001 New Season
"A Season In The Life" - Cordelia, PG for mild swearing, 284 words
002 Before
"She'll Always Be With You" - Illyria, Spike, and Lorne, 260 words. Second place winner!
007 Minor Characters
"Five Ways Jesse McNally Never Died" PG, 922 words.
007 Minor Characters
"Five Steps to Falling in Love" - Giles/Jenny, G, 996 words
008 Serenity
"Wallflower" - Serenity, Mal, G, 135 words
008 Library
"Signs" - Scoobies, G, 279 words